Many Waters

A quiet sadness, a soul is trapped. The body is a thick covering, an insulated jail cell for the bright spark of the Infinite Light. The flame descends, it is submerged into many waters and wide streams. Yet it will never be extinguished, will never be suffocated. The flame always yearns to depart, but it is covered and concealed. Only glimpses come out, a shimmer in the morning and late at night. The soul suffers. Continuous pulling, pushing, too often going in the opposite path, contrary to its nature. The flame yearns to rise upwards. It seeks to illuminate. But it is brought into the deep, murky waters.

When will it come out?
When will the flame shine again in full glory? When will the coverings transform themselves into wings, lifting and rising the Light above the waters?

It will shine brilliantly, chasing away all remnants of what once was. From the dark waters will burst forth a new, unexplored creation:
The Jew will rise and regain its seat of royalty.

Short-Long

While walking to the internet, I decided to take a shortcut down the high school's steps instead of trekking down the steep incline of the mountain in a round-about way. It occurred to me that the gate around the school might be locked, but I quickly rejected the thought, assuming there would be at least one exit to the internet- after all, I wasn't the only one using the steps right next to the community center.

I walked down the dimly lit stairs, amazed at how the stairs make the way down from my apartment seem so much shorter. As I neared the bottom, I look for the familiar gate, always kept wide open, but it is too difficult to see in the dark. Approaching the gate, I begin to worry- the gate looks closed! I check to make sure, and I feel the heavy lock; the loud clink echoes in my ears. I head towards the next gate, praying it will be unlocked... It, too, is sealed to the public. I run, now, my heart pounding, mind reviewing the possible exits to the unyielding fence. I find the last one, a smaller gate, yet this one is also locked.

I turn around, wishing the desire to cut my time had not risen into my head. All those steps... Now the high school campus is a prison, the thick fence getting tighter and smaller every second. Now my only way out is those stairs. I consider climbing the fence- my destination is just meters in front of me- but it is designed against jumpers: the top is bent, and the holes are not enough to put my foot through. Now what?

I have no strength to go back up and down around again. I can not jump the fence. I am trapped in my desire to take the shorter route. Now I understand frustration. I try once more to find an exit, not wanting to accept defeat, and lo! Here is another gate nearly closed, much farther away from my usual exit, screaming 'freedom!'

As I slip through the narrow passageway and run the short distance to the internet, I am in wonder from my encounter. Now I understand the 'short-long way'- we think we are doing ourselves a favor cutting corners and being naive, but sometimes we may not find a gap in the gate. Sometimes we are forced to re-start our entire approach and come to our ultimate destination in a way we never deemed a possibility.

Sometimes the long way is really the most direct.

True Freedom

I came prepared to say so much: I had a whole speech in my head, notes on the table in front of me. I was going to shock the world. Then I realized it's not all that important.

It's not how long my speech is meant to last, it's not the topic I prepared. It's not even what I thought I wanted to talk about. Then again, it's not really up to me.

It's the emotions stirring in my heart, the feeling of love, which overpowers my carefully planned out story, and another consciousness begins to form. This is the feeling of freedom: Of letting the Creator of the world take control of things which are rightfully His. Of living without inhibitions, limitations, boundaries. Of knowing that Hashem is truly helping everyone out, especially those who make themselves into a vessel to receive His Essence. Of knowing that there is no limit- not even the sky nor the ground, and that no matter how much closer a person is to the Light, he is never really close, for he is swallowed up in the huge Flame.

To know that there are infinite heights to climb to, and nothing is stooping you except yourself. To take a leap of faith, draw down some G-dliness into the world, and live with your Father gently guiding you. This is true freedom. This is your true will, if you chose to tap into it. And even if you chose to ignore the nagging feeling in your heart, the desire to cling to your Creator will follow you until you listen to it. For this is what it means to be a Jew:

To be carefully selected to receive the great honor of being the caretaker and house for the spark of G-d, and to have it guide you all the days of your life, constantly directing your actions to match those of a crucial worker in this world. To be the one who will finally return the world to its rightful state, to be a builder and transposer. This is the advantage of the Jew.

To be needed. To have a mission.

News from Tzfat

A little about life in Tzfat.
I am planning on moving to the downstairs apartment. I can tell things are going to change again- a new wave of people will be coming in after Pesach, but I am very excited to go back to America and see my room there.

We have been learning a lot about preparing for Pesach, including how to check the house for chometz (leavened bread forbidden from being seen, found, or had pleasure from on Pesach)- the night before Pesach, we hide 10 pieces of bread wrapped in paper befroe checking. The 10 pieces symbolize the 10 powers of the soul, including the emotions (10 sefirot- chochma (flash of intellect), bina (expounded thought), daas (fusion with knowldege), chesed (kindness), gevurah (restraint, severity), tiferes (harmony, beauty), netzach (victory, endurance), hod (splendor), yesod (foundation), malchus (kingship) for more on the sefirot, see chabad.org). It is told about the Alter Rebbe that it took him several hours to clean out his one-room house from chometz and find the 10 hidden pieces. It is understod that he was 'cleaning' each of the aspects of his personality until they were free of "chometz," which can be described as haughty because of its puffy nature.

We also learned that in truth, checking and throwing out cosmetics and hair products is NOT necessary, since they would not be consumed by a dog; Even if the product has wheat or oats in it, the part of chometz is no longer chometz, since the oats, etc. Is not edible... And this is why pouring ammonia over a cleaned countertops makes it chometz- free. It is preferable, however, to put another surface such as PVC or hard plastic ontop of the countertop, just to make sure no residue gets onto your clean pesachdik pots.
That's the news from the hilltop of Tzfat!
Have a great day!

The Purim Shpiel

As we are all getting ready for Purim, we review the story told in the Megillah in our minds. We all remember the sticky situation Queen Esther was put into when Achashverosh agreed to Haman's plot to destroy all the Jews of the known world, and how Esther and Mordechai made their own plan of how to overturn the decree: All the Jews fasted for 3 days and strengthened themselves and their connection to Hashem, and then Esther approached the king. At a glance, this plan seems a bit strange- If the Jews had Mordechai, who 'would sit at the gates of the king,' and Esther, who 'found favor in the king's eyes,' close to the king who could stop the decree, why didn't they simply go straight to Achashverosh and demand he revoke the decree? If Esther was such a favorite, why didn't she just walk up and say, "Achashverosh, I don't like Haman. Let's kill him?" Instead, Mordechai put on sackcloth and ashes, and rallied the Jews to repent and come closer to Hashem. And if Esther's main goal was to get on the good side of the king, why did she fast for 3 days beforehand, which would automatically make her weaker and less attractive?
The reason for Mordechai and Esther's unusual course of action can be explained as follows: Modechai and Esther realized this decree was unnatural- they recognized it came about only as a result of the Jew's sin of going against Mordechai and joining Achashverosh's party. They also understood that in order to overturn the external decree of Haman, they had to tackle the heavenly decree first: First they directed their teshuvah towards the Real Boss, and then the boss Achachverosh and the decree would just disintegrate. In order to rectify the sin of eating, drinking, and partying with Achashverosh for three days, going against the rule of Mordechai their leader, Esther instituted a three- day fast where eating and drinking were strictly forbidden. Only through the rectification was the heavenly decree removed, and then the earthly problem of Haman and Achashverosh's Jew-massacre was very easy to topple.
A very important lesson can be learned from the actions of Mordechai and Esther:
In a tough time, there are those who take the natural course of events- If a person wants a certain job, he calls and applies and makes sure the people on top know who he is and that he really wants the job. This is the natural course of events to ensure he gets the job. The Megillah tells us this is step number 2: The first priority must be to strengthen himself in his connection to Hashem- in our example, a person should first pray, asking Hashem to grant him a good job so he can put food on his table and educate his children: He must first make a vessel to spirituality before making a vessel to physicality. We must always trust in Hashem to show us the correct path and to help us accept His blessings, in whatever form they come.
May we all have the strength to get to the root of the 'problem' and may all the little obstacles just melt away.
Happy Purim!!

The Battlefield of your Heart

The Rebbe once told a boy approaching his Bar Mitzvah:

Just like in a baseball game, there are 2 sides, and whichever side plays hardest wins...
In your heart is a playing field: There are 2 sides, the G-dly soul, a piece of G-d, and the animal soul. It's a fair game- whichever side tries hardest wins. The winner will reveal G-dliness or the opposite...
Until your bar [or bat] mitzvah, it is the minor leagues- a child's game of ball. Now, it's a 'real adult game.'

Our Goal

I've seen this situation before- In my dreams?
In reality?
Time feels like it's overlapping,
speeding up, faster and faster.
Tripping over itself and spitting out redundancies.
Life is always running- but whereto?
What is this evasive end and goal we are heading towards?
It is the goal of creation:
The purpose, the focus.
The revelation of the Eternal Light of the Creator.
We have elevated the sparks that fell,
brought them up and embraced them;
They are waiting to be reunited.
Our lives are focused towards one Time:
When the presence of HaShem is no longer concealed in the world.
When we vividly see the G-dliness enlivening every creation:
The times of Moshiach.

Purim- Accepting...Happiness

We had a farbrengen with Rav Ne'eman who teaches the Israelis on Rosh Chodesh- Tuesday night. He is such an incredible person, who really gave us some incredible insights onto the upcoming holiday. Let me share them with you:

Purim is, in a sense, greater than Matan Torah, the giving of the Torah at Mt.Sinai. How can this be? At Sinai, it says that the mountain was 'held over their heads' and the Jews were 'forced' to accept the Torah. This is to be understood as a metaphor-- when a person has two options, say, to eat a healthy orange, full of Vitamin C which will boost his energy levels, or to eat a poisonous lump of fibre, he really has only one option- at that moment where he takes the orange, his free choice is taken away from him. The same is true for the event of the giving of the Torah: It says in Parshas Yisro that the Jews 'saw the sounds and heard the sights.' This statement shows us that all of the coverings of nature in which Hashem covers Himself were completely disregarded-- Everyone could literally see the True Essence and Infinite Light of Hashem... So when He told us to accept the Torah, our free choice was taken away- we had no other option, we could not deny Hashem! That was the giving of the Torah. During the story of Purim, Hashem was so hidden that no one was sure what was happening- the entire story happened over the course of one year- Haman cast the lots to destroy the Jews in Nissan, and the war against his decree (and the victory) happened 11 months later, in Adar! The Jews had 10 1/2 months to give up the Torah and forget about their Judaism, and escape the threat of death, but what was done? They held rallies, gatherings, and strengthened themselves in Judaism and prayed to Hashem, the Commander of the whole world. On Purim, we decided to take the Torah upon ourselves- without Hashem's Presence being revealed in the world.

We have to ask ourselves: Do I really know what is light and what is dark?
For Before the time of Moshiach, there will be a 'double, thickened darkness'- darkness so dark that we'll think it's light. People will call light darkness and darkness light. In this time, seconds before the final redemption and revelation of the Infinite Light of Hashem, we must make sure we are sure of light and dark. As the Rebbe says, "In present times, times in which many mistake light for darkness and darkness for light, the foundations [of a building/Jewish home] must be illuminated and permeated with the 'luminary of Torah,' the inner portion of Torah, which has been revealed in the Torah of Chassidus."

"When the month of Adar enters, we increase in Simcha." We must ask, "what is true Simcha- happiness?" "How do I achieve it?"
When a person is struggling with a situation, say he has a seven- page term paper to write, when does he feel finally relieved and happy? When he is redeemed from his struggle- when he finally hands it into his teacher. Then he can go home and read the newspaper, talk on the phone- he is freed from the restraining responsibility of writing his paper. In many circumstances, we find that redemption leads to happiness. It is also true that happiness leads to redemption-- although the gates for tears are never closed, "Simcha Poretz Geder"- Simcha, true happiness and joy, breaks the constricting walls. If we are happy, we will be redeemed, and if we are redeemed, we will be happy... Happiness of Purim leads to the redemption of Pesach.
How do we get redeemed? What's the best way to find a personal redemption?
CHASSIDUS: The inner dimension of Torah, a very fine garment of Hashem. When we learn the P'nimiyus HaTorah [inner aspects, essence] of Torah, it is like hugging Hashem and feeling His Heartbeat. By entering into other styles of learning- P'shat [simple explanation of Torah], Remez [things hinted to by the verses], Drush [things extrapolated and learned out from juxtapositions, etc], Sod [secrets], or Halacha [laws]- we are still hugging the Essence of the Holy One, but we are hugging Him 'wearing' a thick wool sweater, a shirt, and a coat-- it's harder to feel the life-force inside. By learning Chassidus, we are allowing the G-dliness to permeate into our personality.
Rav Ne'eman also commented that a person's redemption can be on the shelf for years, but all he has to do is to take it and use it. He told a personal story where he was in the army, before he was religious, and he always took a siddur with him wherever he went- to the base, out in a camping trip, etc. He just never opened it, never used it. One day, during the Yom Kippur war, he took it out and started looking at it and exploring the different prayers- Shacharis, morning blessings, Shabbos, Musaf, Hallel... and he has been praying ever since. All he did was take the key and open the lock.

Some last thoughts:
~ By learning Chassidus, we come to the realization that this world is a mask. Chassidus gives us the ability to undress physicality and realize the spirituality inside.
~ Walk down the street- you are walking in the Garden of Eden- the world of Hashem. All you have to do is take off the mask. Reveal the inner essence.
~ As much as you live your inner redemption, you elevate your exile: Past produces present, but when you live the present, you elevate the past.
~ Your work is important- you're dealing with the goal of the world.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog!! I will be posting bits of my experiences and Torah thoughts to give you all a taste of Tzfat. Enjoy!